


We are either killed or drowned

by NamelesslyNightlock



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Protective Tony Stark, Secret Relationship, impossible choices, sometimes there aren't any good options
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: How do you choose when you’re torn between two things that you consider most precious in the world?





	We are either killed or drowned

**Author's Note:**

> I had an awful lot of work to do on the weekend, so ofc I started writing about fifteen different oneshots. This was the only one I actually finished.
> 
> Title from the Groans of the Britons. Yeah, I'm a history nerd, don't @ me

Tony stood in the middle of a broken New York street– he didn't know which, only that it was one of those with a number, wide and grey and littered with rubble. His hands were outstretched to either side with repulsors facing opposite directions, but they weren’t charged. He wasn’t preparing to attack. His helmet was folded away, and he was waiting, pleading, _begging_.

Torn between two choices, each just as excruciatingly horrific as the other.

Steve was closest. He had his hands raised too, having dropped his shield in the fight that had stopped only moments before when Tony had come crashing down into the middle of it. He hadn’t lost his cowl, but Tony could see the determined concern in his blue eyes nonetheless, and the careful precision with which he was choosing his words. It was clear that Steve saw this as a hostage situation– that he was preparing to talk Tony off a ledge that he assumed Loki had placed him upon.

“Tony,” Steve said, his voice low and deep. “It’s okay, Tony. I’m your friend.”

 _I know_ , Tony wanted to say, but his voice wouldn’t quite work, so he simply swallowed hard and raised his hand a little higher.

Clint and Natasha stood behind Steve, their own weapons in their hands, and Tony was all too aware of the precariousness of the situation. Clint could release an arrow, Natasha could fire her gun and it could all be over in a moment. They had long since augmented their weapons to work on Asgardians– with Tony’s help, to his shame. Maybe if he hadn’t had a hand in it, Loki would be able to subdue the Avengers more easily and then Tony wouldn’t have been caught in the midst of a nightmare. But then, maybe if he hadn’t upgraded their weapons, they might have been killed by Amora or Skurge or Lorelei or one of the other off-worlders that were just as strong and liked to attack the Avengers on a weekly basis. He had never regretted helping out his team, but—

If one of his inventions killed Loki, he would never forgive himself. 

Yet he knew he couldn't live with it if one of his inventions failed to protect his friends.

“Stark,” said Loki, and there wasn’t a hint of softness in his tone at all. Loki was all biting words and sharp edges, and there was no room for sentiment in the short glance he sent Tony’s way. “Step aside.”

Tony shook his head, his eyes darting back to Steve. He couldn’t– he _wouldn’t_ just step back and let them tear each other apart.

This… was never meant to happen. He was never supposed to have to face Loki in battle, not since their relationship had become something that Tony was unwilling to lose. Not since Loki had become one of the people Tony loved most.

But he couldn’t lose his team, either. Not when he finally felt like he had somewhere to belong.

So he was stuck between them, willing to give up his life for both, unwilling to raise a hand against either.

“Tony, he wants to kill us,” said Natasha, her voice soft and cautious despite the fire in her eyes. “Look at him.”

Loki did indeed look ready for violence. He had already destroyed a good three blocks worth of the street, and while Tony was sure that he had tried non-lethal methods in the beginning of the fight, it seemed that Loki was long since past being nice. To make matters worse, the Avengers had cut off Loki's ability to escape by using the teleportation-blocker that Tony had invented as a method of keeping Strange out of the Tower, so Loki’s only options were to either stand his ground, or to surrender and—

“I won’t go back to Asgard,” Loki snarled, his teeth bared and his daggers clenched tightly in his hands as he leaned forward, though he didn’t take a step closer to Tony’s raised arm. “I will not suffer in those cells ever again. I am _not_ going to go down without a fight.”

It was every one of Tony’s worst nightmares rolled into a single horror, everything he had ever feared coming to pass in one terrifying moment– and it was as if their words had laid out his ultimatum on a silver platter.

How could he choose, when his options were either condemning the love of his life to eternal torture, or sentencing three of his closest friends to death?

“Snap out of it, Tony!” called Clint. “Come on, you’re right in the line of fire, we don’t want to hurt you!”

Tony’s eyes darted to Clint, widening.

That—

That was his chance.

“You’re going to have to,” Tony said, his voice cracking on the last syllable.

Steve flinched. “What?” he asked in little more than a gasp.

Tony looked first to his team, then to his lover, keeping his gaze locked on Loki’s deadly green eyes as he twisted his ultimatum around and turned the impossible choice back on them.

“If you want to hurt each other,” he said, managing with effort to keep his words steady and uncompromising, “then you’re going to have to go through me first.”

“You would stand against me, Stark?” Loki asked, his eyes narrowed and hard, his expression unreadable. “You would choose _them_?”

“No,” Tony said softly. “That’s just it, Loki. I love you, but they’re my friends. I _can’t_ choose, but I can’t just stand by either.”

Loki _flinched_ , and Tony knew why. They’d never admitted it before– they’d danced around the words, they’d whispered promises of affection in each other’s ears and made sarcastic quips. They'd spoken the truth with soft smiles and lingering touches, and they'd both known the depth of it, but they’d never really, truly confessed.

Still, from the way that Loki steeled himself, Tony was quite sure that it was too little, too late.

Tony’s gaze flickered to Steve, who looked two steps past horrified. His eyes were wide below his cowl, the little of his skin that was visible almost glowing a sickly white.

“I am _not_ going to watch you tear each other apart," Tony finished. "So if that’s what you want… you’re going to have to make sure that I’m gone before you try.”

“Tony,” said Steve, and it seemed that it was his turn to beg. “He’s a monster, Tony. I can’t let him go free. I _can’t_.”

Tony offered him a sad smile. “I know, Cap,” he said. “I understand.”

His words didn’t seem to comfort Steve at all– if anything they hit him like a bullet, sending a wave of pain across his already anguished expression.

But none of it mattered. None of it was going to make a difference, because every person standing on that numbered street knew the truth. The Avengers couldn’t let Loki go, not without being labelled criminals themselves, and not without breaking every principle that they upheld. And on the other side of Tony, Loki was still standing in a predatory pose, his daggers at the ready and his eyes glowing with magic. He was never going to back down, because it wasn’t in his nature. Loki would never willingly submit to a punishment, especially not that which awaited him on Asgard.

They were all at an impasse, caught up in the weave of a Gordian knot with Tony at the centre of it all. The only thing that remained to be seen was who would wield the sword and cleave him in two.

Pain is pain, and Tony didn’t think that it would matter in the end– he knew that it would hurt regardless of which side made their move first, but he wasn’t prepared for the wash of pure agony that cut through his chest when Loki’s expression twisted into a determined snarl.

As the trickster began to charge forward Tony’s eyes fell closed, willing to hold his threat to the very end. He was right in Loki’s path, and even though he was wearing the suit, he knew that he wouldn’t be coming out of it unscathed. Besides– regardless of the outcome of the fight, Tony knew that he would not want to.

Tony felt more than heard the explosion, his ears ringing as he was almost blinded by a bright flash of green magic. Yet there was no heat, no shockwave– the magic wasn’t harming Tony and the Avengers were equally safe, but just as Tony’s dazed mind came to that conclusion he became aware of movement to his left and an arm wrapping around his shoulder.

“Fly, Anthony,” Loki growled into his ear, his voice cutting across the clamour of the fake explosion and breaking through Tony’s common sense. “ _Fly._ ”

His repulsors kicked in a moment later and Tony shot straight up into the sky, away from the destruction below. He was aware of the added weight on his armour, and he realised what Loki had done only half a moment before they were high enough to be outside the influence of the teleportation-blocker and Loki whisked them away to safety.

They hit the ground hard, Tony having cut power to his repulsors just in time to stop them from crashing into the ceiling of what he recognised as Loki’s apartment. He let Loki pull him to his feet almost absently, his mind still muddling through the events of the last thirty seconds. He almost couldn't believe it. 

Loki had found a third option, and Loki had managed to get them _out_.

“Why did you do that?” Loki's expression was broken as he let Tony go, backing away with what could only be fear in his eyes. His armour vanished in a shimmer of green, and Loki shook out his hair as a clear excuse to break eye contact while he asked– “Why would you put yourself in such danger?”

“I told you,” Tony said, unable to speak anything but the truth in his shocked state, not quite processing that the Avengers were alive and Loki was safe. “I couldn’t let you hurt them, Loki.”

“But you didn’t want them to hurt me, either.” Despite the fact that Tony had confirmed as much before, there was a touch of desperation in the set of Loki’s mouth and the crease across his brow. It was that, more than anything, which had Tony stepping out of his suit and brushing his fingers along Loki’s cheekbones. Loki sighed and leaned into his touch, his eyes sliding shut in obvious relief.

But the moment was bittersweet.

“I’m never going to see them again,” Tony said weakly, his hand falling back to his side as he was hit with the guilt. “They’re going to think that I’ve betrayed them, they’re going to think—“

“I can make them think whatever you want,” Loki cut in. Tony looked up in confusion to see that Loki’s mask had fallen back into place, his expression iron-clad and impossible to read. “If you regret that I have brought you here, if you would rather be with them…”

“You’ll what?” Tony asked. “Stage a fight, confirm their suspicions of you mind controlling me?”

“If that is what you want,” Loki said, and despite the pain in his voice, Tony knew that Loki meant it. He would never be willing to hand himself over, and Tony knew without a doubt that if once again faced with the options of imprisonment or a fight to the death, Loki would slit the Avengers’ throats without a second thought. But he also knew that Loki would go out of his way to make sure that would never happen again, if only because Tony didn’t want it to.

“You would do that?” Tony asked, unable to entirely comprehend the meaning behind what Loki was saying. “Truly?”

“You’re asking whether I would let you go,” Loki guessed, looking away. His eyes were pained as he chewed on his lip, and the silence was heavy. But Tony waited. He didn’t want to break the raw emotion of the moment– he wanted Loki’s response to be real, unforced. “I do not wish to be without you, Anthony,” Loki eventually admitted, and despite his earlier hesitation he caught Tony’s gaze with burning certainty. “But I would never hold you with me, not if it was against your will. I only want you to be happy.”

Tony’s eyes widened, and Loki smiled. It wasn’t a bright smile, but nor was it a smirk– it was something vulnerable and sad, and Tony thought it was the most honest smile he had seen Loki give.

“I love you,” Loki said, and something lodged in Tony’s chest and began to _ache_. “I will not turn myself over to Asgard, but so far as it is in my power and shall bring harm to neither you nor myself... I shall do as you wish.”

“You really would let me go back,” Tony realised. And god, but in that moment, there was nothing more precious to him than the way that realisation made him feel. 

“It is your choice,” Loki confirmed. 

It was a different kind of choice than before, but this time?

Tony found that it was one he could live with.


End file.
